this is the end... no really, we're all dead

Tuesday, around noon, the power went out in my dorm. I really didn't think much of it. My sister and I were sitting and having some pleasant little conversation about how her boyfriend woke up in the middle of the night to make a bagel completely naked and accidently slammed his dick in the refrigerator door (if you knew the guy, him doing this wouldn't surprise you), and then all of a sudden the lights went out. My Powerbook didn't seem to mind and switched over to battery power without a hitch. Life really didn't seem that interrupted and my sister, only barely noticing, made some casual remark about it to which I think I only nodded. We continued our conversation.

You may be wondering why I'm telling such a trite little story and here's why: The conversation that ensued shortly after between my dorm mates left me absolutely flabbergasted.

I can't remember it exactly, but it went a little something like this:

(not their real names)

Hank: Woah, hey, my light went off.
Bob: Yeah, it looks off.
Hank: It's dark.
Bob: It's not on.
Hank: Are they out in the rest of the dorm?
Joe (entering): I was in the bathroom.
Bob: Was it dark.
Joe: Yeah, I think the light went out.
Hank: It's not the only one.
Joe: There's more?
Bob: I don't know.
Joe: Lights are out in here.
Hank: Maybe the power is out.
Bob: What about the hall.
Hank: Lights are out there too.
Joe: Are they out everywhere?
Bob: The power could definitely be out.
Hank: How could that be?
Susan (entering): Hey, are your lights out?
Joe: Yeah, we think the power might be out.
Bob: Lets not jump to conclusions.
Susan: What about your other stuff. Do they work?
Bob: Hey! My laptop works!
Joe: Yo, his laptop works.
Hank: Is it plugged in?
Bob: No.
Susan: How is it working if it's not plugged in?
Bob: Batteries.
Susan: Oh, right, batteries.
Hank: Maybe the power is out.
Bob: Well, the lights are definitely out.
John (entering): Hey, are your lights off.
Joe: The power might be out.
John: I'm going to check around.
Susan: Why would the power be out.
Joe: I don't know.
Susan: Does your cellphone work?
Joe: Everybody check their cell phones.
Hank: Yeah, mine works.
Bob: Mine too.
Susan: Same here.
Joe: Wait. Batteries.
Susan: Oh, right, batteries.
Hank: Batteries.
John (entering): Hey, yeah, I think the power is out.
Susan: Why?
John: Because nothing is on.
Hank: Why is it out?
John: I don't know. No one knows.
Hank: Is it out everywhere?
John: Yeah, I think so.
Hank: When is it coming back on?
Susan: Wait, are we sure it's off?
Bob: It must be off.
Joe: I was in the bathroom when it went off.
Susan: What was it like?
Joe: Wet.
Susan: Why was it wet?
Joe: I was in the shower.
Bob: Maybe it will come back on.
Susan: What if it doesn't.
Joe: Does the TV work when the power is out?
Hank: I'm going to make a pop tart.
Joe: Yeah, make me one.
John: We'll all have pop tarts.
Bob: The toaster isn't getting hot.
Susan: Maybe the power is out.
John: Is it plugged in?

That went on for about ten minutes.

I admit I exaggerated it a bit (okay, a lot, they're not that dumb), but believe me, that's pretty close to the level of conversation I witnessed. It made my sister's boyfriend seem like Isaac Newton.

Stupidity of this degree can only be attributed to higher education. I hate college.

"The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end"