pillows... you soft and comfy bastards

I just found out pillows are evil.

http://www.realtechnews.com/posts/1969

This is very troubling for me. I always figured they were the last thing that could ever harm me. They're so soft and lovable. I felt safe in my bed with my down pillow. Not anymore. Now I sleep in fear.

What the hell is the world coming to when something so seemingly benign as a pillow can cause disease? What's next? Teddy bears cause cancer? Santa Clause is a pedophile? God damn you world.

"We know that pillows are inhabited by the house dust mite which eats fungi, and one theory is that the fungi are in turn using the house dust mites’ faeces as a major source of nitrogen and nutrition (along with human skin scales). There could therefore be a ‘miniature ecosystem’ at work inside our pillows."

Professor Ashley Woodcock said that and with a name like Woodcock, you've got to take her seriously. But, honestly, I don't want to know that sort of thing. Ignorance is bliss. I would have been perfectly happy never finding out about this, but apparently I don't even get the pleasure of sleeping in comfort now. Our air is killing us, our water is bad for us, they put scary stuff in our food that's hurting us, and now it turns out our pillows, former allies, have turned against us. They have chosen the dark side.

Dear Pillow,
I thought you were my friend. Fuck you.
Love,
Matt

Tonight, I rest my head on a rock.

"I've got every reason on earth to be mad,
'Cause I've just lost the only girl I had.
If I could get my way, I'd get myself locked up today,
But I can't so I cry instead."