Saw (living up to a name this bad is tough, but this movie sure as hell did it)
I actually wrote this a while ago for a newspaper my friend put out at school. I decided to post it because another friend mentioned it the other day.
I was recently subjected to an hour and forty two minutes worth of mind numbing light and noise called Saw (the movie is about as bad as its name, maybe worse). It was recommended to me by a person who has questionable tastes. Out of the five of us that watched it, three liked it and two of us did not. How then can this movie be bad if three out of five people approve? Simple. People are dumb.
This movie was obviously aimed at the younger crowd who take enjoyment from watching sick, twisted imagery move across the screen (these are the same type of people who are distracted by flashy lights and bright colors). Which is fine. Except why make a movie out of it? Well, because all those people who get their jollies off from being disturbed and grossed out will go see it and it will make lots of money. Which is fine again, except innocent bystanders like me, who still had that piece of their brain that this movie takes away, will watch it and part of them will die.
The director of this piece of nonsensical garbage, that somehow is considered entertainment (kinda like going to a slaughterhouse is entertaining, except it isn't), is James Wan. He has brought us other great movies such as... absolutely nothing. His movie career started and will hopefully end with this waste of energy.
There's probably a point to this movie but it is beyond my insight to find. It does have a twist ending, which is about the best part of the movie (I mean when it's actually over and you can go do something else). It's all extremely predictable except the end, but to be fair, even this wasn't a complete surprise. I admit I didn't see it coming but I knew there was going to be a twist, I was just waiting for it, and when it did come it's not like you fall out of your seat or anything.
The plot basically goes like this. There's this killer who takes people and does awful things to them because it makes him happy or something. That's about it. They don't ever explain his motives. The victims in the film haven't done anything wrong as far as I can tell, either.
So you expect the typical bad guy gets the good guy then the good guy finally gets the bad guy and everyone is happy but instead you get the bad guy gets the good guy then the bad guy gets the good guy again and again because the good guys all behave like complete morons (they literally have guns pointed at the guy twice but don't kill him) and then the bad guy gets away which would be cool if there was something likable about the bad guy (Silence of the Lambs for instance) but there isn't. You never really get to know him, except that he's a messed up sicko, and he sounds like an impersonation of an elephant impersonating Alan Rickman impersonating the movie trailer guy (he leaves little audio tapes for his victims to find and think about - yeah, he's that tricky).
The movie culminates when poor Cary Elwes, in a fit of nonsensical rage, hacks his foot off with a Saw (oh my god! that's where the name comes from, how original). Honestly, I doubt Mr. Elwes even had to act here. Was probably just saying to himself, "What the fuck happened to my carreer! Ahhhh!!! I can actually act. I gotta get the fuck out of here!" And Danny Glover? Come on. Even he can do better than this and that motherfucker was in Predator 2. Yes, Predator 2 is a step up from this. Did these guys not get a copy of the script or something? Monica Potter is in it too. Granted, she hasn't done much but good god, star in porn before you do a movie like Saw (I really wouldn't mind if Monica Potter did porn actually).
I have to stop before I hurt myself. Basically, the whole movie doesn't amount to anything except maybe an aneurysm and a trip to your psychologist. Watching it ranks somewhere between a nosebleed and listening to Michael Bolton music on the fun-o-meter. The only thing that could have saved this film would have been an explicit sex scene, but it didn't even have that (joking - the movie would still have been lousy). This one is definitely only for people who are stupid.
Matt DeVall official rating: F
I was recently subjected to an hour and forty two minutes worth of mind numbing light and noise called Saw (the movie is about as bad as its name, maybe worse). It was recommended to me by a person who has questionable tastes. Out of the five of us that watched it, three liked it and two of us did not. How then can this movie be bad if three out of five people approve? Simple. People are dumb.
This movie was obviously aimed at the younger crowd who take enjoyment from watching sick, twisted imagery move across the screen (these are the same type of people who are distracted by flashy lights and bright colors). Which is fine. Except why make a movie out of it? Well, because all those people who get their jollies off from being disturbed and grossed out will go see it and it will make lots of money. Which is fine again, except innocent bystanders like me, who still had that piece of their brain that this movie takes away, will watch it and part of them will die.
The director of this piece of nonsensical garbage, that somehow is considered entertainment (kinda like going to a slaughterhouse is entertaining, except it isn't), is James Wan. He has brought us other great movies such as... absolutely nothing. His movie career started and will hopefully end with this waste of energy.
There's probably a point to this movie but it is beyond my insight to find. It does have a twist ending, which is about the best part of the movie (I mean when it's actually over and you can go do something else). It's all extremely predictable except the end, but to be fair, even this wasn't a complete surprise. I admit I didn't see it coming but I knew there was going to be a twist, I was just waiting for it, and when it did come it's not like you fall out of your seat or anything.
The plot basically goes like this. There's this killer who takes people and does awful things to them because it makes him happy or something. That's about it. They don't ever explain his motives. The victims in the film haven't done anything wrong as far as I can tell, either.
So you expect the typical bad guy gets the good guy then the good guy finally gets the bad guy and everyone is happy but instead you get the bad guy gets the good guy then the bad guy gets the good guy again and again because the good guys all behave like complete morons (they literally have guns pointed at the guy twice but don't kill him) and then the bad guy gets away which would be cool if there was something likable about the bad guy (Silence of the Lambs for instance) but there isn't. You never really get to know him, except that he's a messed up sicko, and he sounds like an impersonation of an elephant impersonating Alan Rickman impersonating the movie trailer guy (he leaves little audio tapes for his victims to find and think about - yeah, he's that tricky).
The movie culminates when poor Cary Elwes, in a fit of nonsensical rage, hacks his foot off with a Saw (oh my god! that's where the name comes from, how original). Honestly, I doubt Mr. Elwes even had to act here. Was probably just saying to himself, "What the fuck happened to my carreer! Ahhhh!!! I can actually act. I gotta get the fuck out of here!" And Danny Glover? Come on. Even he can do better than this and that motherfucker was in Predator 2. Yes, Predator 2 is a step up from this. Did these guys not get a copy of the script or something? Monica Potter is in it too. Granted, she hasn't done much but good god, star in porn before you do a movie like Saw (I really wouldn't mind if Monica Potter did porn actually).
I have to stop before I hurt myself. Basically, the whole movie doesn't amount to anything except maybe an aneurysm and a trip to your psychologist. Watching it ranks somewhere between a nosebleed and listening to Michael Bolton music on the fun-o-meter. The only thing that could have saved this film would have been an explicit sex scene, but it didn't even have that (joking - the movie would still have been lousy). This one is definitely only for people who are stupid.
Matt DeVall official rating: F
posted by velvetcake at 11:43 PM
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