today wasn't great... I have higher hopes for tomorrow
I own a green jacket. That being said, I think I look pretty god damn snazzy in it. Well, maybe not damn snazzy but I look downright okay... at least from the front. Not so much from the side. Lookin good from front though... well I look alright. The lighting has to be right... and I have to be standing a certain way or else it doesn't hang properly... helps if it's dark out... okay it's not a great jacket but you should see my hair.
I mention my jacket because the other day a man who appeared to be suffering from massive amounts of inbreeding (think wolfman meets wolfman's mom) said to me "Hey buddy, you think that jacket makes you look cool or something?" Can't say if those were his exact words because I was so taken aback with the knowledge that somebody this ugly actually existed that I might not have heard him properly. But somehow I managed to say "I have absolutely no misconceptions about how not cool this jacket is." Unfortunately that's all I said. I should have come up with something better.
I should have said something along the lines of "People like you should invest in this sort of thing. It would really take the focus off that thing you call a face." Or maybe something along the lines of "Listen here Sasquatch, go back to the circus if you want to make fun of people. You wish you had a jacket this cool you worthless piece of shit."
Of course I didn't say anything of the sort because the guy looked like he could rip me apart if he wanted to. I'm not going to pick a fight with a neanderthal, especially one who looked like he didn't have much to lose. What was going to happen? Mess up his face in a fight?
Anyway, I was very disappointed in the outcome of the conversation. He's lucky I wasn't packing heat though because that would have been the end of him (that sentence is pretty pointless and doesn't represent my thoughts at all, I've just always wanted to be able to say packing heat semi seriously). The moral here is you can't win fights with people who look like their pets, especially if their pet is a 7 foot tall walking man beast gorilla mixed with a tank and a brick wall, they're just too scary.
I do take some consolation in the fact that I'll probably succeed in life while Mr. Too Good To Wear A Green Jacket missing link guy will probably spend the rest of his days lifting stuff and eating paint chips.
On a high note though, I received a picture of this really attractive girl I know, who will remain anonymous, from a friend of mine, who shall also remain unknown, wearing next to nothing (the girl was wearing next to nothing I mean, not the person who sent it to me). So, yeah, I was happy. I bet Grizzly Face didn't get that. The closest he probably ever comes to a girl is when he has sex with his sister.
To end with a quote: "Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of special effort."
I mention my jacket because the other day a man who appeared to be suffering from massive amounts of inbreeding (think wolfman meets wolfman's mom) said to me "Hey buddy, you think that jacket makes you look cool or something?" Can't say if those were his exact words because I was so taken aback with the knowledge that somebody this ugly actually existed that I might not have heard him properly. But somehow I managed to say "I have absolutely no misconceptions about how not cool this jacket is." Unfortunately that's all I said. I should have come up with something better.
I should have said something along the lines of "People like you should invest in this sort of thing. It would really take the focus off that thing you call a face." Or maybe something along the lines of "Listen here Sasquatch, go back to the circus if you want to make fun of people. You wish you had a jacket this cool you worthless piece of shit."
Of course I didn't say anything of the sort because the guy looked like he could rip me apart if he wanted to. I'm not going to pick a fight with a neanderthal, especially one who looked like he didn't have much to lose. What was going to happen? Mess up his face in a fight?
Anyway, I was very disappointed in the outcome of the conversation. He's lucky I wasn't packing heat though because that would have been the end of him (that sentence is pretty pointless and doesn't represent my thoughts at all, I've just always wanted to be able to say packing heat semi seriously). The moral here is you can't win fights with people who look like their pets, especially if their pet is a 7 foot tall walking man beast gorilla mixed with a tank and a brick wall, they're just too scary.
I do take some consolation in the fact that I'll probably succeed in life while Mr. Too Good To Wear A Green Jacket missing link guy will probably spend the rest of his days lifting stuff and eating paint chips.
On a high note though, I received a picture of this really attractive girl I know, who will remain anonymous, from a friend of mine, who shall also remain unknown, wearing next to nothing (the girl was wearing next to nothing I mean, not the person who sent it to me). So, yeah, I was happy. I bet Grizzly Face didn't get that. The closest he probably ever comes to a girl is when he has sex with his sister.
To end with a quote: "Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of special effort."
posted by velvetcake at 6:41 PM
1 Comments:
Don't be knockin sasquatch. It's an insult just to think of comparing sasquatch to this...thing.
Ooo, sexy girl?
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