me slowing losing it

My friend said to me about my blog:
"You are just coherent enough to seemingly make sense, but loosely formed enough to make the reader think you might be insane."

While I'm not entirely sure I make sense, I definitely have to agree with me maybe being insane.


I've been wanting to post something but I've been at a loss these past few days as to what the subject should be. I didn't want to post some trite little quip about life or the usual sarcastic banter about how my week was progressing, nor did I want to do any Haiku which somebody actually suggested to me. These things have become casual and even mundane. I want to be orginal. But, since my day today has been so unbelievably, devastatingly, irrevocably bad, I'm going to do all three of those things just to spite whatever fucking deity runs this sad, pathetic excuse of an existence. And, (yes, I start sentences with conjunctions a lot) just in case there is no god (actually I'm an atheist so this is what I'm betting on), I hope somebody reads the Haiku at the end of this thing and fucking kills themselves it's so bad because that would at least bring some sort of weird masochistic satisfaction to my life (hahaha - I jest... no really I do).

If life was an ocean and I was an object on this endless sea, I'd be floating on it exactly the way a rock wouldn't right now (I tried to have that make sense but I'm not sure it does or at least it doesn't make sense the way I would like it to). That's my quip for this post. It might not even be a quip but I don't care. Actually, what the hell is a quip?

Now for some sarcastic banter. Well, this whole thing is pretty god damn sarcastic so I don't really think I have to worry about this one but just to be sure - my day today was a rollercoaster of unparalleled excitement and glee that I hope never ends, rather we end up crashing when the stupid fucking cart derails because we've been riding the rickety old bitch so long and we go flying off the track with big smiles on our faces to land abruptly and die when we hit a lava lamp factory (okay, that was more weird than sarcastic). There's a lot of metaphors here for some reason. I'd like to think there's some deeper meaning here but there really isn't; I'm just making this stuff up off the top of my head. Feel free to think about them for long periods of time though if that's your thing. Or don't, I wouldn't.

Haiku. Five, seven, five right? Okay then. Chew on this God, you nonexistent bastard.

all alone at night
think of you and die a bit
go pound sand up your...

once upon a dream
thinking about clouds i guess
that is what I thought

a pen on my floor
i lean down and pick it up
i put it away

Ha. I wrote three of those things in about thirty seconds. You thought it was going to be one but then they just kept coming and sweet jesus are they bad. How do you like them apples? (I might just be talking to the voices in my head at this point so I wouldn't take any of this personally) Yeah, you. You think it's funny, huh? School on Columbus Day. Well, up yours. I don't even care about the Physics exam I failed with flying colors, I'll bounce back. You can't stop me. There's no stopping the Matt Freight Train of Academic Prowess. I don't even care that I feel so sick and have a ton a work to do and have only gotten two hours a sleep. But, you know what? The leaving the keys at home was the last straw. I can't take it anymore. It broke me. I'm done. Sitting outside my dorm with all my bags for three hours got me. I give up. You win.

Good. Now that that's done I'm going to take a nap.

"Well I'm finding it harder
to be a gentleman every day
all the manner that I've been taught
have slowly died away
but if I held the door open for you
It would'nt make your day"