happy birthday Sarah

I really don't know what to get my sister for her birthday. She's rather girly so I'm having a bit of trouble. She's not like my one aunt, who got, I'm not joking, a pair of work gloves, a box cutter, and a case of shotgun shells of her birthday. No, she's not a lesbian, just really utilitarian I guess.

Anyhow, my friend's girlfriend suggested I get her either a bra and/or a vibrator. Both were good suggestions but I didn't go with either of them because I new I wouldn't feel comfortable getting her a bra and I was afraid if I got her a vibrator I'd end up just keeping it for myself (that was a joke - I already have a vibrator).

I want to get her something personal, something that she would remember, something touching... wow, I really should have gotten her the vibrator (there's only so far you can take a joke and I think this one is at its end but I can't guarantee it won't come back later on in the post). So, I haven't got her anything yet. I'm off to the mall again today to look for something. My mom told me to get her bedsheets (this reminds me of that line from Toy Story - "Bedsheets? Who invited that kid?"). I couldn't think of a worst gift if I tried. Well, I can actually. A dead weasel with a note that says "unlike this dead weasel, my love for you will never die" is unarguably a worse gift. I think that joke might be a rip off of a Dilbert but I'm not sure.

No, I fancy getting my sister something trendy and totally impractical. I don't want it to have any sort of use or functionality whatsoever. Something that exists entirely for entertainment purposes only.

I just need to find her something she will actually enjoy to counteract all the junk everyone else is going to get her which will be things that everyone should have and not things that you would want to get for your birthday. This is a very common practice in my family. We're constantly getting stuff that you really shouldn't have to ask for. I think we got my sister desk supplies last year, seriously, like tacks and stuff.

"And what's this? Rubberbands and paperclips?! Yay! I've really needed some more of these."

It's just sad. One time, for Christmas, I got a hat from my aunt (different aunt) that she literally found on the side of the road (this was actually a pretty cool gift) which is fine because I know she doesn't have a lot of money and we have a huge extended family but you're still always hoping for at least one good present. This usually does happen, our mom gets us something good that we asked for but I'm afraid my sister might be missing out this year.

So, I'm going to find her something I know she'll like. I'm on a mission. I've got $50 and I'm going to get my sister something cool for her birthday if it kills me.

"And you can be sure that if you're feeling right
A daydream will last long into the night
Tomorrow at breakfast you may pick up your ears
Or you may be daydreaming for a thousand years
What a day for a daydream
Custom made for a daydreaming boy
And I'm lost in a daydream
Dreaming 'bout my bundle of joy"