notice
Dear People Who Read My Blog-
I'd like to start this by saying that you're all a bunch of tactless lowbrows whose boorishness is only rivaled by your inability to perform in bed (I realize I haven't knocked boots with any of you but I'm going through the motions in my mind and you're all terrible, I mean really pathetic). Your woeful inability to please your parter must be what has given rise to your deplorable conduct which I have so recently had to endure. I can't think of any other possible reason for it or at least am too lazy and/or too perverted to.
Think about this:
"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."
You know who said that? Eric Fucking Hoffer. And you know what the motto of Winchester College and New College, Oxford is?
"Manners maketh man."
William of Wykehersomethingorother said that sometime during the 14th century and he was British so you better take him seriously. If England is known for anything, they're known for this guy and they're known for etiquette (okay, so I made that up, when I envision England I think of a big clock, a bad book series, an ugly airport, some pointy tower, crumpets, Kate Beckinsale, Aston Martins, Bond, a playwright named Bill , and for some reason which I can't figure out, penguins).
You may be asking yourself why I am offended. I'm upset because in my last post I asked for advice and you know how much I received? Absolutely none. I got one comment and it was about as much help as a pair of socks would be to guy who already has a bunch of socks (sweet Jesus did that analogy suck).
I was clearly reaching out for help and what do I get in return? One lame ass reply from my friend about how disappointed he was that now he wouldn't be able to meet the girl in question. Try a little empathy you worthless freeloaders.
If you read my blog (I know there's at least nine people who do), the least you could do is post a god damn comment once in a while, especially when advice is asked for. Is it really that hard. You hit a little button and type something (even the people who read this can figure that out). But apparently I'm not even worth the trouble to you.
I was looking for a little validation in my life but I guess I came up short. Be ashamed. I hate you all.
Love,
Matt
p.s. Some people do occasionally post but I still hate you.
p.p.s. My computer is making this beeping sound whenever I type and I can't get it to stop. I think it might be slowly driving Matt insane (or more insane) so don't take anything I say too personally. But, comments would be nice. Thanks.
"Do yah dot'n duy
ba da dot'n duy yah
oo-ee dot'n duy.
Oo-ee zabba duy
do yah zabba dabba
doo-ee dot'n duy.
Zoo-ee bah dabba do yah
da da do-yah dabba
da da ba-da da da DWEE-a dada!
da da ba-da da da DWEE-a dada!
AAAIIII!!"
I'd like to start this by saying that you're all a bunch of tactless lowbrows whose boorishness is only rivaled by your inability to perform in bed (I realize I haven't knocked boots with any of you but I'm going through the motions in my mind and you're all terrible, I mean really pathetic). Your woeful inability to please your parter must be what has given rise to your deplorable conduct which I have so recently had to endure. I can't think of any other possible reason for it or at least am too lazy and/or too perverted to.
Think about this:
"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."
You know who said that? Eric Fucking Hoffer. And you know what the motto of Winchester College and New College, Oxford is?
"Manners maketh man."
William of Wykehersomethingorother said that sometime during the 14th century and he was British so you better take him seriously. If England is known for anything, they're known for this guy and they're known for etiquette (okay, so I made that up, when I envision England I think of a big clock, a bad book series, an ugly airport, some pointy tower, crumpets, Kate Beckinsale, Aston Martins, Bond, a playwright named Bill , and for some reason which I can't figure out, penguins).
You may be asking yourself why I am offended. I'm upset because in my last post I asked for advice and you know how much I received? Absolutely none. I got one comment and it was about as much help as a pair of socks would be to guy who already has a bunch of socks (sweet Jesus did that analogy suck).
I was clearly reaching out for help and what do I get in return? One lame ass reply from my friend about how disappointed he was that now he wouldn't be able to meet the girl in question. Try a little empathy you worthless freeloaders.
If you read my blog (I know there's at least nine people who do), the least you could do is post a god damn comment once in a while, especially when advice is asked for. Is it really that hard. You hit a little button and type something (even the people who read this can figure that out). But apparently I'm not even worth the trouble to you.
I was looking for a little validation in my life but I guess I came up short. Be ashamed. I hate you all.
Love,
Matt
p.s. Some people do occasionally post but I still hate you.
p.p.s. My computer is making this beeping sound whenever I type and I can't get it to stop. I think it might be slowly driving Matt insane (or more insane) so don't take anything I say too personally. But, comments would be nice. Thanks.
"Do yah dot'n duy
ba da dot'n duy yah
oo-ee dot'n duy.
Oo-ee zabba duy
do yah zabba dabba
doo-ee dot'n duy.
Zoo-ee bah dabba do yah
da da do-yah dabba
da da ba-da da da DWEE-a dada!
da da ba-da da da DWEE-a dada!
AAAIIII!!"
posted by velvetcake at 4:44 PM
7 Comments:
ask her to trade mix cds. it sounds corny but the ladies love that shit. at least thats what High Fidelity taught me...
You want advice? Alright. Get in there and just rip your clothes off. There. Try it. It might work. If it doesn't, you will only be humiliated. Not as bad as dying I say.
I'm actually thinking of showing her Ninja Attack.
If she likes that, then I'll rip my clothes off, or in my case, I can just flex and they'll blow off because I'm so ridiculously buff.
Hahahaha, no seriously I'm really ripped.
Mixed CDs... if she didn't listen to such horribly strange music I'd try it.
yeah its never fun to trade CDs when the person you trade with already knows every single song you put on it. but you could ask a friend to help you. even if you hate the music she gives you that isnt really the point of this lil exercise my friend, its about wooing the lady.
PPS - To whoever used the word "woo", I hope you choke and die.
PPPS - And the guy that called them "ladies" can masturbate into a bear trap. The end.
i know that if matt tries to 'be himself' as you suggest it will backfire because he'll try to be more than himself - he'll show off, act all superior, and fail miserably. he should be less worried about how much of an ass he looked like when he made her mad this time, and about how much more of an ass he will look when she realizes he was trying to take advantage of her getting dumped by being all nice to her and then making the moves. what you need to do matt is give this girl some time and some space because shes probably really hurt right now about breaking up with her boyfriend. no mix tapes, no stripping, no hitting on her. have her hang out with you an a bunch of people so that she can have a good time and cheer her up. if she feels like your trying to get in her pants shes going to get really pissed and actually hate you.
obbbbviiooussllyyyyyyyyy
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