get back

Apple today released their new Powermacs (this might be lost on those who aren't computer savvy). If you want, you can pick one up, maxed out with 16 gigabytes of DDR2 RAM, 1 terabyte of hard drive space, two dual core 64 bit PPC G5 processors, an Nvidia Quadro FX 4500 graphics card with 512 megabytes of RAM, and two 30 inch HD displays, all for the low, low price of $24,000. A real steal. They're practically giving them away. I think I might pick up two; use them as bookends they're so cheap.

So, you're probably thinking to yourself, "What could you possibly need a computer that costs as much as a car for? What would you do with it?"

Answer: Smut. Lots of it. Really. Think about it. With two 30 inch displays, running at 2560 by 1600 each, that's 8,192,000 pixels of perverted goodness to be had. To put it another way, that's six different porn sites you can be looking at at the same time or two full size high definition movies - 60 inches of crystal clear filth - that's life size (unless you watch some really nasty porn that is). You won't have to worry about slowdown either with that much RAM and processing power. Also, with a terabyte of hard drive space, you can store a boatload of video. I mean, damn, that's a lot of sex to be watched.

That's what these things are really for. More porn faster. Sure, you get those guys who are like, "Yeah, I like to do a lot of video editing and graphics design on this baby." No you don't. You like to download a lot of dirty videos. The only video editing and graphics design you do on that thing is erotica related. You're not fooling anyone. You payed that much for a machine that could indulge all your secret vices. There's absolutely no other reason to drop 24 grand on a computer.

So, pornography fans rejoice (everyone who reads this probably), with $24,000 and a good internet connection you can essentially never leave your house again.


Also in the news today: The anonymous lady friend of mine that I sort of like hates me now. I must have that effect on people. Doesn't bother me most of the time because I dislike a large majority of the people I know but when you're trying to get a girl to like you, getting her to despise you first is widely considered a bad idea.

This is how it went: We were having a perfectly normal conversation, I made a joke, now I'm an asshole.

Lesson: Don't make jokes about serious matters, especially when they're not very good jokes to begin with; that just makes it worse.

I apologized profusely but it doesn't matter. She even said it was okay, but I know I am now forever deemed an inconsiderate ass in her mind. She's also leaving in a month to pursue her endeavors somewhere else. I have about thirty days to make her stop hating me and start loving me.

So, you know what I'm going to do?

Me neither. I might cry about it though. Please comment if you think of something.

"Your mother's waiting for you
Wearing her high-heel shoes
And her low-neck sweater
Get on home Loretta"