no gown at the hoedown

For some reason which I can't explain, my best friend feels the need to keep sending me scary, yet strangely erotic, pictures of himself. I received this one in an e-mail the other day. The e-mail didn't have any message to accompany the image so I'm just going to assume away here.

It appears that my friend and this lady (probably his girlfriend but I can hardly tell from that position) are engaging in some strange sexual role playing game. He's either suppose to be Don Juan or Zorro and the lady, dressed as a poor little peasant girl, is about to be ravished by him in some sort of naked tango love-fest. I'm scared to think who the person taking the picture is dressed as but my money is on either a pirate or the Michelin Man. It absolutely baffles me that someone would take a picture like this and not either burn it or keep it locked up in a safe place where no one will ever find it. You'd especially think you'd want to keep it away from someone who keeps a blog and brutally criticizes everything he can. Do what I do - I keep all the indecent pictures of myself cleverly hidden in my sock drawer with my condoms and extensive collection lascivious sexual apparatuses. No one will ever find any of it because who the fuck ever goes through someone else's sock drawer?

Update: I just talked to my friend about the picture and all he had to say was "that's an actual dance move." Alright. Look Like A Scary Motherfucker is an actual dance move. I believe you. Must have learned that at Trip the Light Fantastic: Charles Manson's Gyrating School of Rhythm and Dance. Seriously, listen here Twinkle Toes, a pirouette is dance move. Bending a girl over and looking like you're about to climax in your pants isn't.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed about fulfilling their sexual desires, no matter how kinky or lewd they may be, in fact, I wholeheartedly encourage it. But, and I say this in earnest, I really don't need to see a picture of the pre-game show. I don't know what my friend and that lady are about to do but... what the hell am I saying? Of course I want to know what they're about to do. Please send me more pictures of that night. Thank you.


--Note--
I'd like to take this moment to apologize to my friend's girlfriend (has to be her in the pic) for any detriment my comments may have caused her and would like to give her my sincere condolences for having to go through whatever it is you're about to do in that picture. You must be very sore.

With respect to my best friend, I heard he can actually cut the rug pretty well. He in fact won something at his dance competition so congratulations. Also, if I remember correctly, he won best dancer at our eighth grade dance. I'm still in awe of that (I thought he looked like he was being attacked by bees all night) but at least someone thinks he looked cool and I suppose that ought to count for something.

"We can go when we want to
The night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet
And surprise 'em with the victory cry
Say, we can act if want to
If we don't nobody will
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile"