the world needs a clown... fuck happy people

What's the best way to say goodbye to the house your grew up in? What's the best way to leave behind a piece of your childhood that's being forcefully taken from you? What's the best way to spend $280? If your answer to these questions is to throw a colossal party so a horde of vapid assholes can get drunk, become even more retarded, and trash that home you love so much then you might just be as dumb as my sister.

If you aren't busy tonight come on over and enjoy the party; throw back a bottle of Black Velvet and toast to the destruction of a young man's boyhood memories. Join the laughing, giddy throng of idiots as they trample the last vestiges of the home that's soon to be ripped from under my feet. Embrace the booze and drugs in celebration of my torture.


Maybe I overdid it a bit but maybe that was just perfect. It's five o'clock and a couple of rejects went ahead and showed up early. My girlfriend is off at one of her friends birthday parties, my car is out of commission, I'm soon to be without transportation at all, and I have no plans for the night. I just packed a bag with some clothes and my Powerbook. I think after I pick my mom up from work (she's spending the night in the new apartment so my sister and her semi-conscious 'friends' can have the house to themselves) I'll head out on the old shoe leather express and see what the evening has in store for me.


--Note--
I think I have seven dollars to my name at the moment. A friend suggested that I, along with my beautiful girlfriend, should engage in some recreational drug use with him tonight. I usually shun such things but Beautiful enjoys it so maybe I will. She says I need to do something different and fun in order to compete with my sister. I don't really have any desire to anything tonight though. I miss my car. I think she actually wants to stop by the party so I'll undoubtedly end up having to despite my oath to myself not to.

--Note II--
This post isn't funny. Sorry.


Oh God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"
Abe says, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"
God say, "No." Abe say, "What?"
God say, "You can do what you want Abe, but
The next time you see me comin' you better run"
Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killin' done?"
God says, "Out on Highway 61."

if you think I'm sexy

-- with regards to the title --
A lot of people don't which is really too bad... well, maybe my girlfriend but I think she just has a fetish for doofy looking short dorky guys who wear suspenders and drive old cars.


So this whole big moving thing is fully underway now. I've spent the last week of my life painting our new apartment. It's rather like building your own prison cell. I don't want to move. I got to meet one of my charming neighbors the other day, and by charming I mean an accomplished asshole. The guy was nice enough to take the time off from watching NASCAR and jacking off his dog to come over and yell at me about how shitty our lawn looked.

With sunglasses on head and bad cologne emanating from his body, he lectured me for about five minutes on proper yard care and then threatened to call the city if I didn't do something about the height of the grass. I politely pointed out the fact that we are simply renting the apartment and are not responsible for the lawn and that if it really bothered him he could either kindly mow it or kindly go fuck himself (I used etiquette of course; I didn't word it quite like that). To this he replied with something along the lines of, "Hey man, I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything but it's not my job to mow your lawn but it looks like shit and something has to be done about it." I simply nodded but I should have said something like, "AHHHHHH!!!" and hit him in the crotch with the paint roller I was holding. Sadly though, I'm not a violent man.

One of the most annoying things about this guy was that while he was being a complete asshole to me he actually thought he was being an alright guy. Those are the worst kind of assholes. If you're going to be a giant dick at least admit it. Don't stand there with a big fucking grin on your face and try to pass yourself off as a fucking nice guy. I would have been a lot happier if he'd just come over and said, "Listen here twinkle toes, you better get your god damn grass cut or I'm going to come over here while you're sleeping and pour boiling oil on your face." I could have lived with that.

Moving to Amsterdam, for me, is like getting your prostate checked for the first time - you know it's going to suck but there's still that thin shred of hope that maybe you might just like it... that's an odd analogy. I really don't know. I've never gotten my prostate checked nor have I ever lived in Amsterdam.

In other news, I'm stupid. I accidently missed my chemistry final. This is really bad. Something broke in my brain and I thought it was Thursday when it was actually Wednesday. You wonder how that sort of thing happens. At any rate, I'm totally fucked. I really don't think I can pass now. College blows.

Also making headlines recently - I took up smoking cigars. I thought I needed something to boost my manliness (I'm also rocking out quite the pathetic looking patch of facial hair; I say patch because it grows in all screwy and doesn't look right). I smoked one today and got wicked sick and practically vomited. Yeah, feeling pretty manly alright. Can't even smoke a cigar without getting sick. I'm sticking with it though. I bought a package of eight and they're all going down even if I get pneumonia and have to get put in an iron lung.

My girlfriend smokes sometimes (which strangely I can't stand so I don't know why I'm starting up). It's sad. Seriously, she's more of a man than I am. She's taller than me and drives a bigger car than me. But, what the hell am I going to do? Oh well.

--Note--
Thought I'd say something about the girlfriend. It's upsetting, recently she has spread herself and her time so thin it seems she can barely hold herself together. I'm busy a lot too now and soon will be living a half hour a way to boot so our time together is very restricted. I like seeing her but she's always either horribly moody or horribly tired because she works all day or has some event/activity to attend that she never wants to go to and since I'm the only one she spends her time with now, all her stress, which is considerable, is taken out on me. It's all very depressing and I think I'll end on that note because I'm a depressing bastard.


"I can see by your grin
That you're trembling within
It's all over town, cheer down
And the smile on your face
Is sometimes out of place
Don't mind, no frowns, cheer down."