we'll do it in style
It's currently the night before my girlfriend's morp, or should I say the morning of since it's 3:30 AM right now. The beautiful girl, as usual, fell asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow and I'm left here in the dark with nothing but the sound of snoring and a very unfriendly cat to keep me company (it's currently sitting here watching me type, looking intently at the screen as the letters appear on it, often times swatting at the little black shapes, so I'd say it's not a particularly bright cat either). I'm also allergic to the damn thing.
It is now currently two weeks after my girlfriend's morp (yeah, fuck you, I had shit to do). I admit it's taken me a bit to get around to finishing this. I've learned a few things though since my last post.
First off, I've recently discovered that glow in the dark condoms are not sexy at all. Trust me on this one. You think to yourself, 'oh baby, I'll get me a box these bad boys and really turn the girlfriend on tonight.' Believe me, that's not going to happen. It'll end in laughter and humiliation. Nothing could make you less sexy than a glow in the dark condom. So don't do it. Unless of course you think having a girl point and laugh at you while your luminescent penis is the only thing lighting up the room will turn you on. If that's your cup of tea then by all means go for it but I warn those who don't have a fetish for feeling like a complete jackass.
Secondly, my fears of looking like a total fuckface at the morp, while accurate (I did in fact look like an asshole), weren't actually justified in the end. Everyone moved so poorly I almost bordered on the edge of kinda looking somewhat decent. I mean, seriously, dancing has gone way down hill. It was just sad. My girlfriend of course looked wonderful. She had some old black dress on that was really classy and she stood out over all the other girls who all looked they bought their dresses from the same store. We danced a ton. I wore suspenders. I didn't get high. My girlfriend had a good time. All was well.
And lastly, if you're in high school and you want to skip, don't call the attendance office and pretend to be your mom. It'll probably end as badly as it did for my girlfriend and me. She got caught and now I can't see her for a while. It's very upsetting. It reminds me of that movie Brokeback Mountain, minus the mountain, Wyoming, the time period, the overall situation, and the whole gay cowboy thing... alright it's nothing like Brokeback Mountain. Damn it. It's like saying it reminds me of Rambo. What the fuck is wrong with me?
It did remind me of that movie though. Don't know why. I guess it's because I saw it with my girlfriend and I miss her. We had a really good time that night as I remember it. I guess I could say something about how the two men in the movie just wanted to be with each other and all I want is the simple desire of spending time with the girl I think I love yet it was neither possible for the them nor possible for the two us now. But that would be sappy so I don't think I will.
It is now currently two weeks after my girlfriend's morp (yeah, fuck you, I had shit to do). I admit it's taken me a bit to get around to finishing this. I've learned a few things though since my last post.
First off, I've recently discovered that glow in the dark condoms are not sexy at all. Trust me on this one. You think to yourself, 'oh baby, I'll get me a box these bad boys and really turn the girlfriend on tonight.' Believe me, that's not going to happen. It'll end in laughter and humiliation. Nothing could make you less sexy than a glow in the dark condom. So don't do it. Unless of course you think having a girl point and laugh at you while your luminescent penis is the only thing lighting up the room will turn you on. If that's your cup of tea then by all means go for it but I warn those who don't have a fetish for feeling like a complete jackass.
Secondly, my fears of looking like a total fuckface at the morp, while accurate (I did in fact look like an asshole), weren't actually justified in the end. Everyone moved so poorly I almost bordered on the edge of kinda looking somewhat decent. I mean, seriously, dancing has gone way down hill. It was just sad. My girlfriend of course looked wonderful. She had some old black dress on that was really classy and she stood out over all the other girls who all looked they bought their dresses from the same store. We danced a ton. I wore suspenders. I didn't get high. My girlfriend had a good time. All was well.
And lastly, if you're in high school and you want to skip, don't call the attendance office and pretend to be your mom. It'll probably end as badly as it did for my girlfriend and me. She got caught and now I can't see her for a while. It's very upsetting. It reminds me of that movie Brokeback Mountain, minus the mountain, Wyoming, the time period, the overall situation, and the whole gay cowboy thing... alright it's nothing like Brokeback Mountain. Damn it. It's like saying it reminds me of Rambo. What the fuck is wrong with me?
It did remind me of that movie though. Don't know why. I guess it's because I saw it with my girlfriend and I miss her. We had a really good time that night as I remember it. I guess I could say something about how the two men in the movie just wanted to be with each other and all I want is the simple desire of spending time with the girl I think I love yet it was neither possible for the them nor possible for the two us now. But that would be sappy so I don't think I will.
posted by velvetcake at 5:16 PM
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